nearly xmas, an its hurting me so much x  / Mummy Love You Loads Baby X. (mummy an best friend )
hi baby, home from hospital at the mo, have missed being able to come on here an light candles and write you letters, it helps so much.

its not long too xmas now an i miss you so much, i drove past our old house today and cryed my eyes out, they had thier decorations up, and lights in our front room window just like we used too. i wanna go back to that house back to last year, just me and you ollie. i feel worse now than i have done since you left, im just not coping without you, its too hard. i just want our life back, to go back to how we were. i hate the life i have to live now, il carry on because i have to but im not happy and i dont want to be here. i cant talk to anyone how i feel, because everyone expects me to be over it now, but in truth im worse, i cant cope. i just cry all day an nite. i geuss i should be trying to move on but i just cant. my xmas this year will be the worst in my life, i dont even want to think about it, im gonna come see you at the crem, an take you a balloon as i always do, but its not enough. im crying now just thinking about the loss i feel. my life went with you when you left an im struggling to cope without you, it dosnt seem to get easier at all. i just wish it would ease, i wish i could have you back baby.

they say times a great healer, but for me it just puts more time between me an you an when i last saw you, it just makes the longing an the pain grow stronger for me.
 
last year we were in florida now, although you were very sick we had a greattime, we watched loads of xmas films in the p.i.c.u in florida childrens hosp, an done lots of colouring. inyour last 6months you grew very sick, an at times i thought i might lose you but i never realy believed it, i cryed on new years eve, i didnt drink and i was very down, i dont no why, i said that 2006 would be the worst year of my life, yet i could never have known how true that would be, i never realised what was to come, you hugged me an said dont be sad mum, an i hugged you so tight crying. the next day we had our xmas day agin, so you could have your pressies, because you was in hosps xmas day, id bought you a snooker atble but you never got to play with it as you got so sick and then you passed away just 3 weeks later.your last words as you slipt into a coma was i love you mummy, and i said i love you too baby, but i still never knew that youd never wake up. you sufferd so much inthose last 48 hours, you must of been inso much pain, i wish it could have been me instead of you baby. i would have done anything to swap your pain. baby why did you have to leave? i mis you so much, my chest aches an im physicly sick, the pain is still so raw, an i cant ever see it easing until the day i hug you again.

i love you with all my heart baby, an i just want one thing for christmas and thats you. love your mummy 4eva x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Close

. / Gail Mom Crystal Earnhart (^l^ friend )
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hiya handsome boy  / Wendy Bonella (mummys friend )
hi Ollie just wanted to comeon and leave you andyour mummy a message, want your mummy to know that i think about you both all the time , and know what a hard time your mummy is having at the moment being in hospital all this time she misses just popping up to see you but she will again soon and with a new arrival your little sister,

I just know that you are with my Darren in heavens gardens being little terrors like you should be , you will all have the best xmas its just your mummy who will miss you so much and the same with me and darrens daddy.

i am sending the biggest hugs to you , Darren and all your little angel friends and a huge hug to your mummy

please look after mummy and look after darren for me.xx

love wendyxx Close

Angel Ollie  / Paula (passerby)
Ollie I really dont know how I came across this site but im sure it was just meant to be.I cried so many tears reading your story,you have a special mum and you were such a special boy.You are now a special angel and your work continues as you have made some changes in me.I love my kids(I have a boy your age) but reading this will make me value them more,I wont be worrying about the lesser things no more,im gonna snap out of my worries and be strong for my kids.If you see my lost babies then give them a cuddle for me.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

you are a very special angel.xxxxxxx Close

my wonderful little man my oliverxxxxxxxxxxxx  / Eileen Olivers Only Nan (his nanny )
hello my lovely little man 9 monthes gone and so quick next is xmas remember last year we were getting ready to go to florida wow that was greatr to have you with us meant so much to us it really did ollie never in my wildest dreams did i think i was going to loose you sweetheart how do we spend xmas this year with out you we wont your mum is in hospital now fighting to keep ;little poppy here with us she is always fighting for something your mum the best mum in all the world you were a lucky boy to have her for your mum she did everything to give you the wonderful life you had and i no that you new that didnt you ollie she is the best  and when your little sister comes along she will love her so very much because you are part of her and you picked her for your mum didnt you ollie because you needed a special mum a mum that would look after youand love you and you got her and one day you and her will be together again for ever no one will part you again ever and when that day comes you will both be jumping for joy and fisish off what you were both doing together again untill that time comes ollie you watch over her and your ;little sister wont you keep them safetill you all meet again i love you oliver so very much i no i cry all the time but thats me it will get better one day and that day will be the day i meet you again and i will till then my beautiful little man stay close to us love you millions baby Nannyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Close

9 months baby, missin you with all my heart xx  / Kim Hughes (Mummy xxxxx )
hi lil man, im missin you so much, nothings changed in 9 months, in fact i feel worse with each day at the moment, i just miss you so much, its lonely without you, the house is so quiet, i just want you back, its still so hard to accept that your not here, how can someone be here then just gone..........im tird of crying everyday, it seems all i do these days. you were everything to me, my life, an now its just gone, an it dosnt seem to  be changing. i cant live like this forever, the grief is gettin to much, i just want you back.

im dreading christmas, its lonely enough being on your own on a normal day without being alone christmas......teh decorations are in the shops, an new toys are out everywhere. 

this time last year we had the tree up an al your decorations, because you had been so ill we decided to put them up early so it would cheer you up, the decorations an tree all in your fave colours, blue an white, you kept giggling because i kept hanging this big star decoration up an it just kept falling down on me an you, you thought it was hilarious, you couldnt wait for our trip to florida, an were saving hard, you managed to keep it a secret from the family that we were going an we jumped out at the airport on them as a surprise. i told you if you saved all your pocket money up to £50 i would give you £50, an you saved £100 and asked me to give you a £100, cheeky monkey you were, you went to florida with £200 spending money in the end, an bought me some silver beads for christmas. 

we had a great time an im glad we went even though you got very sick, it was touch an go even if you could go , as you were so sick an were just getting over phneaumonia, but docs said you needed this holiday, an just said to come straight back to hosp whan you got home, but you got too sick out thier an ended up in intensive care. but you still had best time ever baby. an il treasure those memories forever.

living without you is so hard, you were my life, an now iv got to learn to get used to this new life. more than anything i want you back, but its not possible.

i love you with all my heart, love an kisses forever your mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Close

SO LONG, YET SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY!  / Faye
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Cherish the moments  / Mark (None)

Wow, I guess when you're just living your life you don't realise the pain and suffering that people go through, and just how lucky you are when your own children are fit and well, I worry when mine catch a cold or fall over but this little chap went through so much more, as did his Mum, but just look at the little smile he has, a loving smile that says, 'hey I'm ok'. He reminds me of the little boy in Stuart Little (not the mouse!)

I had to stop reading at one point as I could fill tears about to flow, and that shows the feeling that has been put into writing about little Ollies life, a Mum who dearly misses her little boy, who did cherish the moments they had together and who has had to deal with something most of us wouldn't wish on our worst enemies.

So the lesson here is to enjoy the time you have with loved ones, don't take it for granted that they'll always be around, love them for who they are, support them and make their life as happy as can be, and to smile, just like Ollie. :-)

Finally I like to say to Mum that Ollie is now in a safe place, free from hurt and illness, he knows the love you showed and that helped him through a terrible illness and related problems. So keep smiling like he was and one day you'll be able to cherish more moments together. Bless you both.

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happy halloween  / Wendy Bonella (mummys friend )
hello handsome, r you and darren having a good halloween i hope you are not trying to scare each other to much.

Kim just want to tell you that im thinking about you and ollie and know today is so so hard for you also, i just wish things were different, i wish we had our boys but i also wish that we still met.

You are a good friend and listener, just wish we met under different circumstances.

Ollie your mummy loves and misses you so much look after her she really misses you , give her the biggest kiss and cuddles let her know that you are always around her.

Look after Darren for me tell him his mummy loves him so much and would love him to do the same for me.

nite nite , one day ill meet you too i just know i willxx

big kisses and big cuddles to all our little angelsxxx Close

This time last year!  / Kim Hughes (olivers mummy xxx )

This time last year you were in hospital as usual for halloween, and you had a dracula suit i bought you with your face paints, and we decorated your room, we had cobwebs and spiders on your bed an your door, and we painted spooky pictures to put on your wall and on your door, and in the coridor, your room was next to your freind colby's who was also sick like you, and had always been in hospital too. His room was decorated lovely with pumkins. This year baby your both in heaven as angels, you on the 27th jan, and colby sadly passed away last night age 4yrs 9months. it seems such a shame that 2 georgous baby boys are gone, when it dosnt seem that long ago and you were here together last halloween.

il never understand why you children have too go, it dosnt seem fair baby. i woke up today with a awful feeling in my stomach, i feel sick at the thought of you not being here, everyday is a reminder of what i have lost. i knwo how colbys mum is feeling today, and that hurts too, to know another mum has joined us in this path of grief.

look after colby, baby, an i miss you with all my heart. i just wish for you to come back, living this life without you isnt worth living.
              Happy halloween!
love you bubs xxxxxxxxx

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Happy halloween Ollie  / Georgina -. Holly Clarke Mum

Hi Ollie, happy halloween.

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So sorry for your loss.  / Alison Bratton
Dear Kim,what a lovely memorial for ur gorgeous son Oliver,ur mum told me about it and asked if it was ok to visit it.
Im in tears but it is a lovely tribute to ur son.
I lost my brother almost a year ago my mum like u is devasted.
I go on his site everyday too. I get some comfort from it and hope u do from Olivers site.
Your Oliver will be watching over u and all who cared and loved him.Stay strong Goodnite Oliver ur so handsome and brave.xx Close

missin you so much, i cant sleep. wish you was ere baby xxx  / Kim Hughes (olivers mummy xxxx )
hey lil man, im missin you so much, been up all nite crying, im so tired, but just cant sleep, everytime i shut my eyes i have to go over that awful time of losing you, and it hurts to feel that again, over an over. i wish things would ease just a liuttle bit, im tired of pretending im fine, tired of being told to move on, its only 8 n half months for godsake, why cant people understand that no matter what happens, il always miss you, il always feel like this. surley its not that hard to understand? thiers nothing in the world that woul dchange how i feel! i geuss unless youv lost you child, you'l never understand, an can only imagine, and its not possible to imagine this pain. 

i just wish we could go back 5 years and do it all again, just wanna hold you. i cant believe til this day that you have actualy gone, its just unbelievable like its not real. like im dreaming, i wish i was.

i miss you with all my heart baby. luv you forever. your mummy xxx Close

hi kim  / Wendy Bonella (mummys friend )
hi kim how are you, probably just the same as me eh!!sad and lonely, we just have to keep beleiving that Ollie and Darren are playing together and are the best of friends, we have became good friends through something so devastating, i cant wait to meet you in Blackpool, im nervous in meeting everyone dont even know if ill know any of there faces, but we are all feeling the same we are all heartbroken .

i just want you to know that i think about you and Ollie loads you are never far from my thoughts, 

it is 10 months today since i lost my weeman my beautiful beautiful baby, i cant beleive that , i have been really weepy this week just feel so down, i dont think Darren knows what to do with me when im like this i dont know what to do with me, 

im sending big hugs and kisses to our boys , they will be with us forever Kim we will never ever let them go.

love wendy Close

A piece of my heart is missin x  / Kim Hughes (olivers mummy xxx )

i wake up and i think of you, i go to sleep and the last thing i think of is you as i say goodnite. I drive to wherever i may be traveling and im thinking of you. you are everything to me and since youv been gone i feel like a piece of my heart is missin now, i geuss that empty feeling will stay forever. people say i should look at what i have got and not what i have lost, but the pain of a loss is so much more than a gain. if you were to win the lottery that immense happiness would last only days, but the grief and pain of a loss of a child will last forever. i may smile about something but i always have this ache, i may laugh but i always have this feeling of heavyness, as if its crushing down on me. its a hard feeling to explain and unless youv lost a child i'l geuss you'll never know, you can only imagine, and no-ones imagination could possibly let you fell like i feel now.

i have nightmares of the night you went ollie, i have flashbacks that are so vivid it makes me sick, like someone has sucked all the air from my lungs, maybe if you had just fallen asleep baby, it wouldnt be so bad, i dont no. more than anything its the amount i miss you, the emptiness and loss is just awful, and they say with time that will ease but it dosnt feel as if it ever could, il never be the same person again.

if i could ever have looked into the future i never would've dreamt that you wouldnt be here today, i never could have dreamt the loneliness that has taken over my life.

you were an still are everything to me baby, an i miss you so much, i wish people could understand just how i feel, im sick of being told that im wasting my life, i cant help how i feel, i miss you so much an i just cant move on, nothing can ever change how i feel. i wish i could just have my life back, im so tired of feeling like this, i want you back an the life we had together. i hate this life now, i geuss iv got to get on with it, but i just think that what a waste of a life,to have to feel like this forever, its like a punishment, for what, i will never know. but how can you carry on and live a life feeling like this, grief eating away at you.

i miss you with all my heart ollie, no-1 and nothing will ever replace that love or come close.

in my heart forever, your mummy.  luv you baby xxxxxxx

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For Ollie  / Georgina ~. Tcf

Barney sends big hugs to a special boy xx

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8 months have gone by, an still no you! xx  / Kim Hughes (olivers mummy xxx )
hey lil' man, 8 months have gone by 2day and its so hard, im missin you so much, i feel as if youv been gone forever but also like it was just yesterday that i held u in my arms, and we played read cat in the hat just days befor you passed and became the most misse angel in the world, i understand you are gone and not coming back but i can not accept that this is all i have left, nothing! im wishing my life away as i wait for the time in which i can hug you an hold you close again, i wish thier was something  can do, anything but its something i cant fix this time. i want you to no that no matter what i'll always be here and thinkin of you, i wil never love anyone in the way that i love you, you will always own my heart baby. as the days go by i geuss some time down the line i'll have to move on, but now its too soon, im still hurting sooo bad its hard to see any happiness in front, all i want  now is to have you back in my arms baby, and have my life back with you. its so lonely without you, i hate everyday i awake i think of you, an i have nothing now, nothing to do an nowhere to go, the loneliness without you is eating away at me, i never realised just how much my life was about you until now, when your gone and the emptyness is eating away at me. i love you with all my heart and i promise you'll never be forgotten, i will always talk bout you darling keeping your memorie alive in an out of my heart  xxx

love you 4eva your mummy xxxxx Close

missin u just as much as before, if not more xx  / Mummy (luv ya bubs xx )
hello my lil manm im missin you so much, so lonely without you baby x i wish things could be different, sometimes i just cant understand it all i wonder, how you can be here an then just gone baby, all your things are where you left them, its like you just dissapeard baby. i talk to you always but you dont answer back, i say i love you more than as many houses thier is, just like you used to say to me, but still no answer. the tears roll down my cheeks and my body is racked with sadness, sobs shaking throughmy body. the pain is indescribable, it hurts so bad yet i still have to smile, to pretend im fine, like im coping, but then im alone again and and i can grieve alone. i dont want to feel like this no more, i want my life back, i want you back, and the life i had with you. i miss you with all my heart an always will, i just wish my life away until the day comes when i can hold you in my arms again, huggin you tight....

sleep tight lil man , miss you loads xxx  Close

With love  / Jacqui (Treats)
Dearest Little Oliver and family,

Even though you are apart for now, you will all be together again one day.  Oliver is never far from you all as you hold him close to your hearts. 

I know your pain and every day is a struggle.  My heart goes out for you all at the passing of such a precious little person...your Oliver. 

There are no words that can take the pain away, but I hope that knowing others care may help to brighten your days.  With love and light to you all, I will keep you all in my prayers

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